The rainfall of autumn usually brings the bittersweet sting of nostalgia. Reminders of the hopelessness that coaxed the clock from sunrise to nightfall ring through the darkness like an alarm set for 4:30 a.m. The reddish glow flashes as faces momentarily appear in my minds eye before dissolving into the ether; some are dead and some are still drifting toward their destination. We place our bets and play roulette with our fears.

There was once a boy who often showed up empty handed with his head down. Although he was taught right from wrong, he saw the aghast expressions of life’s truths in the wide-eyed, wrinkled faces around him. When tempers flared he sought shelter in rhythm and harmony. There was love in his life, but there wasn’t much direction. He carried a burlap sack of burdens hoping that the changing seasons would eventually relinquish the weight. They never did.

I was never afraid of death. I was afraid of failure. When that feeling became too heavy, I subconsciously tried to kill myself with what I was most familiar with. Years ago, I decided to dedicate my life to the things I felt held the most meaning. I knew it would be a difficult quest and I prepared myself the best I could with whatever tools I could find. The odds have always been stacked against me and i’ve learned to love it. I never wanted an office job. I never wanted a union job. It’s not that I was lazy. I just wanted to pour myself into the work that mattered most to me. I wanted to do something that many people scoffed at… and still scoff at.

My path to recovery was anything but pretty. For a while I had accepted the fact that I would use drugs and alcohol until I died. I was unable to cope with my emotions. Everything was an excuse to use. I had a laundry list of reservations. I was obsessed with pushing the edge as far as I possibly could. I was searching for the perfect concoction to take me away from everyone and everything. The setting never mattered for me. From trap houses to campsites at music festivals, I wanted to see how far I could take this. I now realize it was unconscious behavior.

Some people have been dealt hands that others are unable to fathom. These games we play are oftentimes out of our control. Sure, in theory everyone has a chance to win. But some are born into marathons latent with insurmountable hurdles. Broken families. Health issues. Childhood trauma. Still, they tie their running shoes and wait for the gunshot to ring. Does a silver spoon automatically eliminate the difficulties that life brings? No, but it can shield you from the harsh realities that many have to face. Ignorance is bliss or something like that.

As we make our way down this path side by side everything seems to be absolutely perfect. The blue sky rests easy above us as we tip our heads back and bathe in the mid-July sun. We keep at a steady pace while we absorb the summer heat as if it was the only thing keeping us alive. 

The raindrops burst upon foggy windowpanes, with precise improvisation. The pine trees sway back and forth like the personalities of people whom you once considered friends. Puddles of diluted oil sit on the side of the road with patience. I look around and watch her move through the elements. 

So I'll shove my message in a bottle and send it to the stars. Or should I throw it into the ocean of lost dreams? Like so many have done before me, I don't think so. In a world like ours, who is the hero and who is the thief? Blurred lines deviate black and white. You're the only one who can answer that. Feel the truth in your bones like a freezing wind on a mid December morning. I can, and I know you can.

Think Before You Do It is another installment to Zachary Franck's series Prescribing Life Lessons, which will be finalized and released at the end of 2016.

Inspiration always hits during those hours. Not every time.. but most. In the midst of the darkest depths of night, the bold feeling of passion and truth sprint through your thought process. Constellations draw maps for lost souls and charmed dreamers alike. There's a mystic silence that brings certain reform and reflection. 

The smooth sound of trumpet floats through the room as I calmly sip my cup of coffee. I watched as the leaves outside my window slowly change into an illustrious array of color. They sat against a setting October sun. Bluebirds and robins chirped, they sang in unison, melodies rang through the damp air. Another year has come and gone, autumn brings the beginning of it's departure.

Something to think about on this late August evening..